Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
birth control should be required to get into college
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
