there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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