1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
