I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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