there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
