I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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