I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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