if i can run in heels then i can drive
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
