She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
