you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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