I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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