Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
