You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
