My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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