Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
