Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
