Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
