3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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