I cockslap morals
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
