The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
