The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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