3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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