Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
