he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
