3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
