I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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