I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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