He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Please don't give away my fajitas
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