??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
