I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
