Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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