So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
