my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
