I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
