I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize