Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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