i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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