exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
