I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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