I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
