I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
