....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
