how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
