I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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