whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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