i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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