i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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