Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
