I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
