the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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