Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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