so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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