Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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