How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
