Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize