I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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