your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
