did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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