puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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