is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
