Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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