Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
