Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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