O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize