last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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