How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
