dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Randomize