I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
