new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
