whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
