the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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