I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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