how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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