She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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