Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
