On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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