is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
