That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
