And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
