i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
