i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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