dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
