Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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