Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So. Much. Porn.
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