I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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