Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
