Redeem this text for a blowjob
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
