Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
