went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
