I wish I could teleport
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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