I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
