What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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