I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
