and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
FUCK WHALES
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
