margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
