somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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