i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
