just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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