What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
