Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
