Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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