I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
