I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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