Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
