I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
